It’s been 24 years since the gruesome murder of Graham Staines and his two sons left the world appalled and shocked. The then President of India, KR Narayanan said, “it belonged to the world’s inventory of black deeds”. In the aftermath, what stood out most was the extraordinary response of Staines’ wife, Gladys towards the offenders. Amid her agony and indescribable sorrow, she chose to forgive the man and his followers who perpetrated the crime. To quote her, “I have forgiven the killers and have no bitterness, because forgiveness brings healing and our land needs healing from hatred and violence. Forgiveness and the consequences of the crime should not be mixed.” I believe she epitomized Christian forgiveness!
As per the English dictionary, to ‘forgive’ means ‘to cease to feel resentment against’ someone. Biblical forgiveness is multidimensional – it involves sacrificial love, humility, and accountability. In fact, forgiveness is one of the foundational themes of Christianity. Forgiveness stems from a Higher Power, a holy and sinless God, whose standards of perfection are way above ours. It was His agape love (God’s love for us and ours for Him) that caused God to send His only Son to die on the cross for our sins (Eph 1:7-8). When we fathom the magnitude of His love for us and what it cost Him to redeem us from our sins, we’re humbled, and our hearts are filled with nothing but gratitude. We realize that we’re all on the same footing, deserving punishment for our sins, and have nothing to boast about. Our righteousness is like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6) and we can only come before a righteous and holy God clothed in Christ’s righteousness given to us freely through His sacrifice on the cross. Reminding ourselves of this truth helps us impart forgiveness when it seems difficult.
All of us have sinned, irrespective of the nature of sin or the grievousness of the offence committed (Eccl. 7:20; Rom. 3:23). Although God’s love is unconditional, forgiveness from God is conditional – we’re forgiven only when we choose to model Christ-like love and forgive others (Matt. 6:14-15; Col. 3:12-13; Eph. 4:32). God’s mercy and forgiveness is an ‘unmerited favor’ and an ‘undeserving grace’ (Eph. 2:8-9). To fully understand Biblical forgiveness, one must in all humility acknowledge who God is and who we are before him (Is 6:5). When we accept that we’re unworthy of standing before our righteous Creator, we seek forgiveness from God and in turn reciprocate mercy.
Forgiving someone has more to do with ‘us’ than with ‘them’. It sets us free from bitterness, which if harbored for long, will not only have physical implications (health issues) but also mental, emotional, relational (Pro 10:12, Pro 17:9) and spiritual consequences (Matt 6:14-15). Forgiveness does not necessarily imply that the consequences of the sin or mistake are eliminated, nor would it guarantee a complete reconciliation in a relationship, at least not as long as we are in this world. In a practical sense, one must admit that there is only so much one can do within these limitations, and one cannot dictate the choices that others make. Each one is accountable to God alone (Rom. 14:12).
God is fair and unbiased in how He deals with each one of us. In the parable of the unmerciful servant (Matt. 18:23-35), Jesus talks about a servant whose debt was cancelled by a king. However, no sooner had the servant stepped out, he caught hold of a fellow servant who owed him much less than what he owed the king, and he had the fellow servant thrown in prison. When the king got to know of this injustice, He revoked His forgiveness and threw the servant in prison. In other words, God chose to cancel the forgiveness he had granted the servant earlier. Through this parable we understand that it’s imperative for us to forgive if we want to be forgiven by God. Also, when we truly repent and seek forgiveness from God, we can rest assured that there is total forgiveness, the slate is wiped clean, and we experience a complete restoration of our relationship with God (Heb 8:12).
God is the only righteous Judge, and He alone has the right to execute judgement (Js. 4:12). Therefore, when Peter asked Jesus how many times one must forgive a brother of his mistakes, Jesus emphasizes the need to forgive ‘seventy times seven’, i.e., as many times as required (Matt. 18:21-22). When we have been the recipients of His countless mercies which are freely given, aren’t we to reciprocate in the same way to our fellow brethren? On our part, once we forgive someone, we leave the matter in God’s hand for Him to execute a righteous judgement (Rom. 12:19). Given our sinful nature, it is true that one’s feelings may not always immediately align with one’s choice to forgive. This too can be taken before the Lord in prayer, wherein He helps us overcome the negative feelings that crop up intermittently. We realize that the more we choose to submit to the Lord and work in harmony with Him, it becomes easier to forgive, let go and move on. Having said that, it is also necessary for one to exercise prudence and caution in future when dealing with others who could hurt us again.
Many years ago, as a new Christian, I realized that anything that falls short of God’s standard of perfection is sin, irrespective of the magnitude of sin or how the world perceives it. It dawned on me that God’s standard of holiness is far superior and almost unattainable when compared to the worldly standards of perfection – and that’s why I’m in need of the redemptive work of Christ on the cross for my sins. In my Christian journey thus far, I have had to seek pardon much more grant forgiveness to others. I have realized that neither is easy, and both involve a battle between the flesh and the Spirit. However, once I decide to choose the path of forgiveness, which comes after much bitterness, guilt, and introspection, I have experienced God’s all-sufficient grace (2 Cor. 12:9) and the journey towards healing and restoration. I’ve seen a breakthrough when I have sought to lean on the Lord and ask for wisdom, grace, and strength to do His perfect will.
Despite what the world says, much is to be gained if one is to follow the path of Biblical forgiveness which is altruistic rather than a forgiveness based on superficial worldly standards.