When a brother sins, do we ever consider the possibility that he may not have sinned at all, but we are imagining it? Lots of times, that is a possibility, but in our thoughts, we are almost sure he has done wrong. Jesus has given us two suggestions for us in such situations, to go and talk to him in private (Mt.18:15), and if the sin is real, to rebuke him (Lk.17:3). Jesus also gave us an example to just forgive people and move on (Lk.23:34). But we may fear confronting him because of how he might react, and instead of forgiving him or bearing with him (Co.3:13), we may judge him in our heart. When this happens, the chances are that our imaginations spring up and feed us with many memories of what he has done in the past and paint him as a villain. If this goes on, it will be just a short time before we start talking about him to others.
All this time, this brother may not have sinned in the way we are imagining! Perhaps we have misunderstood him. We may not know him well, communications may have been poor between us, we may have extrapolated our previous experiences with someone else on him and come to wrong conclusions, etc. But essentially, we have not taken the trouble to listen to his story or given him any chance to explain himself.
Of course, we cannot be going around to people to clarify every little offence, because that would take away a lot of our time. Most of the time, it may be some small issue which is best to ignore and move on. But we are thinking here specially about issues that have developed that are causing us tension or anguish that will not just go away. Then is it not better to talk things over and clear up the matter?
On another occasion, Jesus told us to go and set things right with an offended brother, before we can offer ‘sacrifices’ (Mt.5:23,24). The implication is that we have done something wrong to someone because of which they are offended with us. We need to set that right before we can proceed with a clear conscience. On the other hand, if we have not really done anything wrong from our side, but another person is offended with us because of their imagination, there can be practical limitations on how much we can do. In some cases, especially if we must deal with that person regularly, it is good to make an attempt to clarify things and make for peace. But there are others we know who are not interested in peace even if we offered it to them, and in such cases, we may have to leave them aside and move on. God realises that it may not be possible for us to have peace between us and all people. He wants us to seek peace only to the extent it will be possible for us (Ro.12:18). At least we can be at peace towards them.
Isn’t this an idea to help us grow in practical wisdom all our life, because we keep coming across different people and situations? Let us ask God to lead us in the path of wisdom, peace, and love, with all people, or at least from our heart and mind.